It's a Funny Old Game

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Speakers Corner

It's a Funny Old Game

Tuesday, 03 March 2009 07:31

(but it's not meant to be!)

If the game of golf were meant to be funny it would have been invented by the Irish (or even the English).

Those lovely folk from the Emerald Isle have a much greater sense of humor than do their Scottish neighbors. This is not to demean the Scots. Indeed they have many fine qualities and I am proud to have some scotch, (ancestry that is), in my blood.
    Continuing with the thought of the Irish inventing the most noble of games; I cannot help but think that a round might well have consisted of fewer that 18 holes! Legend has it that the Scots found that a standard bottle of whisky would only last for this number of holes. Playing for longer, in the rugged climate prevalent in Scotland for much of the year, would have been more than 'Mac' and 'Alastair' could have tolerated. 'Paddy' and 'Dylan' would never have conceded that the Scots were better drinkers than they; hence a round would probably been no more than 17 holes!
    A further reflection concerns the rules. There were only 13, (oh that such were the case today!), when originally devised by the members of The Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers, the worlds first golf club having been founded in 1744. Had there been a similar company of Dublin golfers there doubtless would have been but one rule, “ye loser of ye game shall buy ye poteen”.
    I shudder when I realize that I have been playing, or more accurately trying to play, golf for over sixty years. In that time, and to plagiarize the title of the book by that most excellent of golf writers, Dan Jenkins, I have been one of “The Dogged Victims of Inexorable Fate” on many an occasion.
    One of the all time great golfers is undoubtedly Bobby Jones, (he who is credited with the title for Jenkins' book). I share one thing in common with the great man! I hasten to add it is not, sadly, the sweetness of swing. Rather, the shameful practice of throwing a club in anger. I recently learned that Bobby, in his youth, was given to such fits of temper. Fortunately we both learned our lesson but it took the near decapitation of my opponent many years ago to cure me.
    In all sixty years I have only been able thus far, as hope always springs eternal, to score a solitary ace. It was in Kenya on a par three of some 195 yards. My young native caddy wanted me to take a five iron but I opted for a four. I hit it poorly but fate was with me and the ball ricocheted off an ant hill into the hole. My caddy had the nerve to suggest an extra tip for his assistance in my dubious feat!
    Golf is sadly not the fastest of games. Indeed it was Mark Twain who described it “as a good walk spoiled.” I well remember playing in the pro-am of the Bob Hope Dessert Classic many years ago when, along with three other amateurs of varying ability, I was privileged to play with professional Bob Rosburg. As we walked off the 18th green Bob turned to me and announced that the grass had grown an inch in the time we had been on the course. It was for the reason of slow play that I declined further invites to play in this event. 'Rossie' may have been prompted to become a television golf announcer for the same reason!
    One of my funniest experiences occurred when playing in another pro-am. It was at Spyglass Hill in The Crosby that I managed to hit my ball straight, or to be honest, slightly crooked, into the trouser pocket of a spectator. His face was quite a picture when I told him to keep still as I had to play the ball as it lay!
    I think that most amateurs take the game far too seriously. We are not playing for our livelihood as do the pro's. Too many of us take too much time to play our shots and thence the entire round.
    Taking the game too seriously can also bring out the worst in our characters should we succumb, as we all assuredly do from time to time, to fits of pique after an errant shot.
Two of the chaps with whom I play have the right idea. They believe that golf should not spoil their partaking of exercise and the enjoyment of the natural beauty to be seen when playing at Sanctuary Golf Club. They will not even play for a 'bob or two.' I should be grateful as I suspect that their tax free income would benefit and my losses would not be deductible!

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