"The Law is A Ass! A Idiot!"

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Speakers Corner

"The Law is A Ass! A Idiot!"

Tuesday, 04 December 2007 05:20

So says Mr. Bumble in Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens.

I generally regard myself as a fairly law abiding sort of chap. Indeed my wife often accuses me of being too conscious of the laws of the land and therefore too cautious. Perhaps it’s my training as an accountant although I prefer to think it’s my belief in the necessity of laws to maintain an orderly society.
    A recent article in the British Daily Telegraph however has caused me to think that Mr Bumble may have been correct!
    The Telegraph published a list of the 10 most ridiculous British laws and the 10 most ridiculous foreign laws as determined by a public vote. I thought you, my good, sensible readers, would be interested in a few samples. I could not resist a comment or two as I pondered the objectives of these examples of judicial wisdom.
    British:
    In first place, as if it could be anywhere else:
    “It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament”.
    In fact this law makes a great deal of sense. Can you imagine the putrid smell which would emanate from the decaying cadaver as our honourable MP’s debated, at typical length, the disposal thereof!
    In the city of Liverpool, from whence the Beatles came:
   “It is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store”.
    I’ve never been to Liverpool, so I do not speak from personal experience I assure you, but I can only assume that the strip clubs also have exquisite aquariums! I must do some research next time I visit the old sod.
    The mind boggles at this one!
    “A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman’s helmet.”
    This answers a question which has been puzzling me for some time: Why are there so few Bobby’s on the streets these days? Who would want to be on the beat with the birth rate climbing as it is!
    Now read this one slowly, it must have been written by an accountant!
       “It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing”
    I bet the IRS would love to have this passed into law here.
    And last but not least from the country from which I have departed (I wonder why!!). In the city if York, which by the way is well worth a visit if only to see the York Minster and railway museum:
   “It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow”.
    I have often wondered what a Scotsman hides under his kilt!

    Foreign:
    In the fair state of Ohio:
    “It is illegal to get a fish drunk”.
    Now I know why the sales of the brands of spirituous liquors I used to manage never did too well there.
    In France, a country I love to visit for the food and to tease ‘mon amis’.
    “It is illegal to name a pig Napoleon”.
    But they have no problem with Ike, Monty, Winston, or any other allied WW2 leader who saved their proverbial bacon!
    In Switzerland, home of fabulous watches and secretive bankers:
   “A man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm”.
    That’s why all those bankers have expensive watches!
    In Milan, Italy:
    “It is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except funerals or hospital visits”.
    As all Italian men think they are race car drivers and adopt a face to match, they should add, males driving cars!
    And finally and whilst on the subject of driving:
    In Alabama, another good Southern state:
    “It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle”.
    I am sure they had a vote on this one and I bet it was close!
    In conclusion I cannot help but recall another famous quotation, “Laws were made to be broken,” which is a good thing in light of most of the above!

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